Ramblings

I have had blogging on my mind for well over a month now. Sigh. Life has been busy! Maddie is fast approaching her 3rd birthday, which blows me away. How did this happen? How did we get here so quickly? And baby sis has been keeping us really busy (in a very good way) by sprouting two teeth, sitting up, starting her solids, and acting like she really, REALLY wants to move on her own soon. She is so darn cute...my favorite thing she currently does is this little stare at me. I'll have her on my hip as I'm moving about the house doing a million things, and catch her just looking at me...THISCLOSE. When I catch her staring, I am rewarded with the biggest, warmest smile - the kind where the eyes scrunch up. Love, love, love.

My blog will be random tonight. Really, this is just to make me feel better for having not written in so long. I need to get some cute memories down, then upload a jillion photos/videos soon of what we've been up to for the last month. We have had some fun times with family and friends that must also be memorialized here. But for now, I have a few thoughts to jot down before bed.

For the past 18 months, or maybe longer since Maddie is such a talker, I have kept a running log of cute words, pronunciations and sentences that she utters, knowing there is no possible way I'll remember them all tomorrow, much less 20 years from now! So here are a few recent favorites, and a few that I know will soon come to pass. Her baby talking is all but gone, my big girl of 3 years old.

- From the backseat last week, on our way home from carpool: "Mommy, I wish we had two Amelies. So I could hold one, and you could hold one." Awww!
- Has always referred to "banana" as a "banah." Prounounced it correctly at the grocery store a few weeks ago and just about put me in tears that her baby word was gone.
- But she still calls a popsicle "pah-cle." :)
- And baby sister sleeps in a "packing place" when traveling - not a pack and play.

There are so many more, and I'm frustrated that I can't seem to cut and paste it all into my blog for posterity. But I'll just log the ones that I can recall correctly for now!

Otherwise in life, things have been interesting. I have been dealing with a touch of depression recently that really rocked my boat. Those close to me reading this know that I lost my mom tragically 13 years ago. Throughout most of those years I have felt that I dealt with the loss rather directly (read: years of therapy), felt all the emotions associated with grief, and knew that there would be times that those feelings of loss might catch me by surprise. I have always been someone who his able to feel the emotion and move on. This more recent "surprise" came on suddenly as I realized that I truly am missing her not being in my life at this stage - and I feel a strange bond to her just the same, now that I am also the mother of two girls. I cannot fathom life without them or ever missing a single moment of their lives, so needless to say, my feelings of melancholy (the best way I can describe it) were a little shocking. I have nothing to be depressed about really -- my life is full of blessing. But there it was.

Thankfully through all of this, I was able to call upon good friends and family to share how I was feeling and ask for support. Through some of this I have had some wonderfully heartfelt conversations with my dearest family members in the past few weeks that have made me feel so grateful for life and the growth that can happen (some painful, some not) if we just allow it to and allow ourselves to be open and honest with one another and ourselves. All of this is good...but I still find myself sometimes sorting through my thoughts and emotions wondering who in the world I am. And piggybacked onto a sleep deprived, hormonal woman, this can be rocky territory! I am so thankful to Dru above all else - such a rock, supporter and listener to me as I sift through so much. Life sure is interesting, and I am ever grateful for all the love.

More soon. I promise. I do need to work on that sleep thing. :)